Category Archives: chocolate

Another Bridal Shower

Can you believe it? someone actually found my website and called to order! I was shocked, too, honestly. I put up that website so my friends and family members could all get a good laugh out of my rudeness. I had no idea someone would actually take any of it serious.

Alas, along came Jan, searching the web for treats for her daughters bridal shower. She remembered having my goodies at a friends son’s christening in which the cupcakes were in the shape of a cross-I kid you not. Not individual cross-shaped cupcakes, nooooooo. She wanted them on a very large platter placed neatly to resemble her saviour’s crucifix. Hey, man, if you’re paying me, I’ll put them in the shape of an inverted pentagram. Whatever.

So Jan read my website thoroughly and called to discuss numbers and flavors. She says, “I read where you put that you only do full dozens and I want you to know, that’s okay. I understand.” It was nice to hear someone agree in the face of the naysayers telling me I should kiss as much ass as possible and just give people what they want. Nah, says I. Not gonna happen.

She ordered strawberry with strawberry cream cheese icing, white chocolate macadamia with orange cream cheese icing, chocolate with chocolate icing, cappuccino chip with coffee buttercream, lemon scented angel food cakes with lemon cream cheese icing, red velvet with plain cream cheese icing, and strawberry margarita. there was something for everyone, including the already-drunk-when-she-walked-in mother of the groom.

I was trying a new cappuccino chip recipe and there weren’t enough to taste so I hope they were good. I always encourage honest feedback from my customers, I hope they don’t just blow smoke up my ass. This recipe called for finely ground coffee in the actual batter which sounded a bit weird and possibly gritty to me, so who knows. She told me everything was fabulous and I really hope that it was. It sure looked good!!

So even though this is a mostly vegan food blog, not one of these recipes is vegan. This blog started out as me complaining about my kids, then went into my small-time baking projects, and THEN went vegan so I feel I must stay true somewhat to my roots and post pics of the stuff I do for others special events.

Oh, and if anyone has any advice on how to make strawberry cream cheese icing pipeable, hit me up. I’m dying over here. All I can ever manage is to put a blob on each cuppie and hope that it doesn’t drip too much. I had so much frosting go to waste because I didn’t know what else to do with the leftover. The very first time I made it, it was phenominal and I don’t know what I did that was different. Oh well!

Here’s the recipe for the angel food cupcakes. I get a lot of peeps asking about this one.

Angel Food cupcakes

½ cup cake flour

¼ cup confectioners’ sugar

5 large egg whites, at room temperature

¼ teaspoon salt

½ tsp vanilla

½ teaspoon cream of tartar

¼ cup plus 2 Tbsp granulated sugar

1-2 tsp grated lemon zest (optional, for lemony angels)

Oven at 325.

Line muffin pan with foil liners. In a small bowl, combine the cake flour with the confectioners’ sugar. In a large bowl, combine the egg whites with the salt, vanilla and cream of tartar and beat until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in the granulated sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time, until the whites are firm and glossy. Sift the flour mixture over the egg whites in 2 additions, folding gently until incorporated.

Spoon the batter into the muffin cups. Bake for 13 to 15 minutes, shifting the pan from front to back, until the cupcakes are springy and golden. Transfer the cupcakes to a rack to cool.

To make them just lightly lemon scented, add 1-2 teaspoons of grated lemon zest to the batter.

To make them a lot more lemony, add ¼ cup thawed frozen lemonade.

I like to be decadent since the cake itself has pretty much no fat. I make my favorite cream cheese icing and when you would normally put in a tablespoon or two of milk to soak up the dryness of the powdered sugar, I put in a tablespoon or two fresh squeezed lemon juice. It’s so tangy you think your lips are going to stay in that puckered butthole position for awhile, but they won’t, don’t worry.

Oh, and If you aren’t feeling decadent at all, just slice strawberries and put those on top, lame-o.

Enjoy!

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Banana Split Pudding Brownies

I have been craving some chocolate lately, and in a mean, mean way. Since I can’t just run out an buy a candy bar, I have to make my own stuff. Normally, I would bust out my copy of Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World, close my eyes, hold out my finger and randomly pick a recipe (then flip around until I found something I REALLY wanted to make). However, I was in the mood for something a little more…fudgey. Not to mention we had a bunch of brown bananas that needed to go away as they were housing a colony of fruit flies on my damn windowsill. So, I opened my bent, dirty, sticky copy of Vegan With a Vengeance and found this heaven sent jumble of words. I’m not sure why they are called Banana Split Pudding Brownies, they were more like fudgey brownies with a creamy banana topping, but they were awesome nonetheless. Another home run by Isa. Love you, girl.

As usual, I made some adjustments to my liking and to how I do things, so if you see things differently here as to what’s in the book, get over it. I think next time I make these, though, I will put them in a smaller pan, maybe 9×9, and bake them longer. I’ll let you know how that turns out. Here they are-

For the brownies-

4 oz semi sweet chocolate chopped, or 4 oz mini chips

2 large overripe bananas, mashed

1/3 cup canola oil

1 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

3/4 cup flour

1/4 cup cocoa powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

For the topping-

2 large overripe mashed bananas

2 Tbsp sugar

1/4 cup soy milk *i used vanilla soy milk, it was all I had. Boooo….

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 Tbsp arrowroot powder

For decoration and even more banana yumminess-

1 ripe, but not too ripe banana, sliced

Oven at 350. Spray a 9×13 pan with no-stick.

For the brownies…melt the chocolate chips in a small glass bowl in the microwave for one minute. Stir until smooth, set aside. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, mix bananas, oil and sugar with your hand held mixer until well combined. Mix in vanilla and melted chocolate. In a separate bowl, mix together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Add this to the banana mixture in batches and blend completely, but you know, as usual, don’t over mix.

In a small bowl, combine all topping ingredients and beat until well combined, about a minute.

Spread brownie mixture evenly in baking pan. pour banana topping over that and spread evenly. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool for 15, then move to fridge until fully cooled. To the left is what mine looked like when they came out of the oven. Cut into twelve portions, top with sliced bananas and serve. YUM. I actually cut them into 24 portions and there was no evil uprising. I kept them in the fridge because, I dunno, they just seemed like a fridge type thing. Her directions say to top with sliced bananas, place on plate, and eat with a fork but after cutting them smaller and refrigerating them, totally not necessary. The extra bananas are totally up to you.

Here they are again as smaller bars and with a movie I watched last night that I frigging loved to little bloody pieces. Best line ever- “You two took away everything I ever loved. Fuck you both.” Lucky Number Slevin. Go rent it.

So, my review of “Skinny Bitch in the Kitch” is going to be kinda negative. If this was a book you liked, well, you should buy better vegan cookbooks, truthfully. I didn’t hate it, let’s be honest, if I wrote a cookbook, it would have the kind of mean-spirited butthole-ishness that this one has. As I put in my previous post, one of the pages in the book states, and I quote, “There’s nothing more annoying that recipes with a million obscure ingredients.” Agreed. But then some of their recipes call for stuff like kelp powder, or refined coconut oil to the tune of $16 for 16 ounces. OUCH! Evaporated cane sugar? I couldn’t find that crap anywhere. A good portion of their recipes consist of things like “vegan cheese, vegan turkey lunch meat, vegan chicken cutlets, etc.” You know, the kind of stuff I could have figured out for myself, for pete’s sake. I was not impressed. Sigh….

I think maybe this book was made for girls who don’t know how to cook and just got into the whole vegan thing. In that respect, I can dig it. But if you are a seasoned home cook, like I am, this book won’t cut it. No offense ladies. However! I have found one recipe that I am willing to try and I will post/bitch about it in a few days.

Until then, have a good one! I know I will. I get to spend tomorrow night in Chicago while my daughter is at the Good Charlotte(gag) show. I’m going to see the Hulk and then it’s off to Veggie Bite or Joy’s Noodles. Probably Veggie Bite. I effing love their shakes. Woot.

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Chocolate Mousse

Ah, chocolate. How I love you so. When i was down, you lifted me right up, and my oversized rearend would like to thank you for it.

When someone calls and says, “I want something unique for my bridal shower” i don’t immediately think “oh, cupcakes, of course!” because they just aren’t unique anymore. they’re everywhere now. I even have a cupcake tattoo (along with hordes of other people I’ve seen on the interweb) and I’ve seen cupcake clothing, gear, accessories, shape-sorter toys and the like to the point of it almost being silly. But, I digress. Most of my business is cupcakes so they will always have a special place in my heart.

One of the first things I thought of for this bridal shower were delicate white chocolate cups with a wonderfully light and airy mousse inside that would be topped off with either a sprinkling of fresh berries or a fanned strawberry, whichever looks prettier when i go to buy the fruit. It’s probably a no-no to be posting my recipe here but so many people screw up chocolate mousse that I’m not going to worry about it. I have plenty of patience in the kitchen so it happens to be one of the things that i do well. That and souffle. Plus, i am actually letting her taste three different chocolate mousses (meece?) from three different price ranges and she will get to choose. The one featured here is the cheapest.

I should also add that this recipe uses RAW EGGS. Salmonella alert! There it is. If you missed it, don’t come crying to me that you got sick. Grow a stronger stomach.

First, get a bag of white chocolate and micro it in a heatproof bowl for one minute. Oh yeah, i said micro. you can do the double boiler thing if you want, but i like to save time, energy, and my elbows by just nuking it. It does NOT change the flavor. Stir the holy crap out of it until it is smooth and shiny. Now get to work!

Put about a tablespoon into each muffin tin that has been lined with a paper cup. I was all ready here to use this fancy-ass pastry brush from Wilton’s new line of merch but i ended up just using the back of the spoon i was working with. Soooooo much easier. Oh, i also put these into my silicon cups that are heart-shaped. I thought it would be nice for a bridal shower. My only issue with these is the fill line that gets molded into each cup. Maybe they won’t notice. You can use paper cups, though.

As you can see my fancy shmancy pastry brush just ended up as another chew toy for my terrier, um toddler.

Put them in the freezer for like an hour, then take them out, re-micro the white stuff and use your brush to put on another layer of it. Freeze for an hour again. Now you are ready to fill with this wonderful concoction:

6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips

3 Tbsp unsalted butter

3 large eggs, separated

1/2 tsp cream of tartar

1/4 cup plus 2 Tbsp sugar

1/2 cup heavy cream, very cold

1/2 tsp vanilla

Put the chocolate and butter in a glass bowl and microwave for one minute. Stir until smooth. Let cool for a bit. Whisk in egg yolks, one at a time, until mixture is smooth and shiny. Set aside.

Whip egg whites until foamy, add cream of tartar, then beat till soft peaks form, then add 1/4 cup of sugar, then beat til somewhat stiff peaks form. This will take about 5-7 minutes. It will be gloriously shiny and yummy tasting, almost like marshmallow. Set aside, preferably in icebox to chill until the whipped cream is ready.

In chilled bowl, i used my kitchen-aid, of course, that i had in the freezer for five minutes, place heavy cream and beat until it starts to thicken. Add the two Tbsp of sugar and the vanilla and beat until stiff peaks form.

Now it is time to assemble. Gently fold the egg white mixture into the chocolate mixture. I said gently! Now, because of the cream of tartar it will not fall as badly when warmed but still. Lighten up the color a bit. Then add the whipped cream mixture and gently fold until it is all combined and fluffy. Gently! Geez, what are you a viking? You want to be careful not to mix the air right out of this one.

I’ll admit, it takes a certain type of person to make mousse and I’m NOT that person, so if i can do it, so can YOU! You can either use a pastry bag with the 1M tip for a cool look or you can use a 3 oz ice cream scoop but do something to make it look pretty. Top with either fresh berries or a fanned out strawberry.

I’m also going to add that these aren’t very good two days later. I don’t know why, they just weren’t. The mousse didn’t stay very fluffy at all, so eat them the day you make them, or the day after. Still chocolatey, still yummy, just not mousse-ey. Enjoy!

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Just Desserts going vegan?

Nah…but I am going to dabble. Okay, here’s the deal.

Over a year ago my daughter decided she was done eating things that were once alive. She was surfing the web one day and came across the infamous PETA video of minks being skinned alive so that J-Lo may wear their precious fur. She was inconsolable. She said it made her feel guilty, and honestly, like she wanted to throw up all the meat she ever ate in her life. I supported her and tried to make things that i could easily set aside a portion of before i threw the meat into. You know, spaghetti, stir fry, that type of thing. I ended up buying her pre-made vegetarian stuff that while tasty, was not nearly as healthy as it should have been. She informed me that she wanted to do it the healthy way so i told her to go look at my cookbooks, since i have an arsenal of vegetarian and vegan cookbooks from my days as a person who once gave a crap about the environment.

That was so long ago, almost 8 years since i gave it up. Like all new vegetarians, i armed myself with the PETA starter kit-complete with stickers and a list of things that would be different if people would stop eating meat- and a brand new attitude about the sanctity of life. I was ready to be a good vegetarian, to have a plant-based, peace loving life.

I was shot down by about every single stinking person i came into contact with. I got laughed at, called names, had burger patties thrown at me. Yes, these were actual adults stooping to this level of childishness. I worked in a restaurant and no one there had any patience for a person like me. I was basically against everything they stood for, i suppose. I started to question the aforementioned sanctity of life thinking, “if i shanked one of these jagoffs, would anyone notice? Really?”

Anyhow, I was a vegetarian for quite a few years. I went vegan for about 8 months but I became skeletal because of my work schedule as well as my finances. I was too busy to make things and too broke to buy things pre-made. There was just nothing i could eat so i started eating cheese again and after about a month’s worth of shakes from Steak and Shake, i gained all my lovely weight back. Hooray!

I then met my now husband. He thought it was ‘cute’ that i didn’t eat meat so he tried to have meatless frozen dinners for when i would come to visit. Mmmm. Yummy. Not! When we moved in together, we settled into those sickeningly domestic roles of “I’ll cook and clean, you mow and take out the garbage.” It got too difficult to make two separate meals so i gave in and started eating flesh again. Fast forward almost 8 years and I’m ready to make my move against meat.

As you may have read in an earlier post, my hubby and i started the Nutri-system diet and i have chosen the vegetarian option as a precursor. I have many reasons for doing this. One of them is that my toddler won’t touch meat no matter how i cook it. She chews it, then spits it out. Another reason is my middle child pretty much goes with the flow and as long as there’s food, she’ll eat it. Myself, well, I’ve always been lactose intolerant so cheese hurts, as does a milkshake. I’m wheat intolerant, too, but that one i’ll deal with accordingly. I think the main reason is that whole environmental thing. Going green. You can’t avoid it anymore. Even celebrities are like “i like meat and all, but if it helps get Obama elected, I’ll stop” or whatever lame reasoning those creeps have. I don’t even care anymore, as long as people start doing something. Anything, really. I even called my garbage company and asked for two more recycle bins because i know i can throw more stuff in there and NOT in the local landfill.

I’m listening to my beautiful, wonderful Edward Norton narrate and host a program on channel eleven that i am DVRing to watch later. He’s talking about our country going to shit. Depressing. He said “it’s not enough to do just one thing anymore, we have to do more, but if only one thing is what you’re willing to do, then stop with those little plastic grocery bags. Many countries have banned them already. Why not us, also?” I love him.

Vegan is definitely the ultimate goal, or at least mostly vegan so i bought an arsenal of books online tonight, all of which i have posted in my blog for you to look at and then go purchase for yourselves.

Here’s a link to cupcakes made by my friend Natalie. They are vegan cookies and creme and i think she did a nice looking job, don’t you? you should tell her so. Chicks love compliments. And presents.

Vegan Cookies & Cream Cupcakes

So this will conclude my post on hopefully going vegan. My only issue will be dealing with all the extra gas from all those delicious veggies. I’m gonna have to buy up some stock in beano. Ahem.



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Update coming soon…

Thanks for being so patient with me, i know i haven’t written in a while. My ultimate goal is to post twice a week, include lots of pictures and complain diligently about how terrible i am at my chosen path in life- food preparation for others. I have a few personal issues to work out but once those are done, I’m all yours!

Coming up- My daring bakers challenge. I know we aren’t allowed to post any details about it until the end of the month, so that stinks, but fear not! It will be sooooooooooo worth it.

I have a tasting Friday. For a young lady’s bridal shower coming up in August, she would like to try my edible white chocolate cups with chocolate mousse and fresh berries on top. I’m going to present it on my stackable cake plates of course, with whatever flowers she likes (in her wedding colors, also) placed appropriately in between all to resemble a beautiful shower cake. It will be awesome.

In a few weeks, i have a bridal shower with an English tea party theme, also with an advice theme. She’s asked me to make flags for some of the cuppies that say things like “don’t go to bed angry” and blah blah blah. I actually picked out a few more risque ones, but I’m not going to tell her. She’ll get a kick out of them. I’m also going to make lemon angel food cupcakes, as well as banana walnut, cappuccino chip, and carrot all in mini cupcake form. did i mention i will also be doing her scones, devonshire cream, and cucumber finger sammies? she’s a good friend, so i figured why not. If you wanna pay me to make gnome food, cool. I’m down with that.

I also have a few orders for mother’s day. I hope i get to see my own mommy, as i will be working that day, bringing food to other people’s mothers at one of my other jobs. ( i currently hold three part time jobs)

Here’s what I’m working on for tomorrow…

raspberry cupcakesMy best friend is going to bring two half dozens of my favorite flavors to the doctors office where he and i both know people but I’m too shy to do my own dirty work. i guess in this area of my life, i have a tiny self-esteem issue when there was not one before. I’ll get over it but until then, he can be a trooper and help me out.

The first one is a chocolate cupcake filled with raspberry ganache and topped with chocolate raspberry buttercream. The recipe is as follows but to be honest, you can use which ever your favorite is because the real star of this show is the ganache you plop inside right before baking, and of course the frosting. Mmmm….i can almost taste them now…

Chocolate Cupcakes

1 & 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

3/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 cup granulated sugar

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

3/4 cup buttermilk

Oven at 350. Line pan with paper liners. Mix dry stuff in one bowl, mix wet stuff in bowl, minus the buttermilk. Alternately whisk in flour mixture and buttermilk into butter mixture until smooth. Scoop batter into pan.

I would highly recommend having the ganache made and hardened already before you get started on the cupcakes, but hey, if you like wasting your oven’s precious time, knock yourself out.

Easiest ganache ever

3/4 heavy whipping cream

8 oz semi sweet choc chips

1 tsp vanilla

2 tsp raspberry liqueur (don’t worry, the cheap stuff is fine here, don’t run out and buy a $40 bottle of chambord for this. I bought a $7.99 bottle of creme diCassis and it was fabulous. razzmatazz works fine here also.)

Basically, heat the cream over low to medium heat until it is nice and warm. Take it off the heat and stir in those chips. Keep stirring! What are you stopping for!? They need to get smooth and shiny and then you can add your vanilla and liqueur. Now, you get to wait. resist the urge to eat half the bowl like i did the first time i made this. Since you will be filling cupcakes with it, you need to put it in the fridge for an hour. Let it get nice and stiff. Oh, yeah. If you don’t, then when you go to glob it into your cupcake batter, it will fall to the bottom and instead of cuppies filled with ganache, you have some sort of black-bottomed nonsense that i don’t particularly approve of. If you want my recipe for black-bottomed cupcakes, let me know. These aren’t them, so don’t screw this up.

Once it’s hard, grab your one ounce ice cream scooper and get scoopin’. Don’t drop the stuff, place it nicely on top of the batter, otherwise it will fall and blah blah blah read previous paragraph. Oh, and you won’t need the entire scoop filled with the ganache. You can i guess, that would make these super chocolatey though and while i have no problem with that, well, you’re also going to be frosting these, so ease up, all right?

Bake in the oven for about 20-25 minutes. My oven defies the laws of physics and things seem to cook stupid fast so pay attention to your stove. you’ll see the ganache sink and a few minutes later, they’ll be done. About 20-25, like i said. Let them cool for 5 in the pan, then cool completely before frosting.

The frosting is basic chocolate buttercream mixed with a tbsp of seedless raspberry jam and garnished with a frozen, thawed raspberry. The raspberry tends to release a bit of liquid that drips down over the frosting and looks absolutely amazing. I mean you see it and you just have to have it, like when i see a new MAC lipglass in some ugly color of purple.

So here they are. I can’t imagine a bunch of overweight office types NOT liking these, but one of these days, i may actually be surprised by human behaviour. I doubt it though.

I had every intention of publishing the other flavor of cupcake i did tonight that my friend will be bringing to the dentist office but i’m stinking tired. You understand, right? When i get up in the am, this will be the first thing on my to-do list, i promise! Cappuccino chip cupcakes…mmm…

Dream about them until then!

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Fudge brownies

0041.jpgSo the job i am doing today consists of my fudge brownies, mini banana split cupcakes, and chocolate cupcakes with a ganache center and chocolate frosting. People love their chocolate.

I just finished making the brownies and they look nice. I have to say, i hate making brownies, mainly because i think i suck at it. However, this lady had my brownies at Saturday’s spa party and when she called, the first thing she said was ” i want those brownies.” Excellent.

I made them in my silicone heart-shaped molds. I think it gives them that little something extra, don’t you think? Oh, and i made them while rocking out to Johnny Cash’s greatest hits.

Also, my husband thought the last batch of my brownies weren’t chocolate-y enough, but I think he’s a retard so we’re even. You decide…

Oven at 350

1/3 cup butter

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

¾ cup flour

½ cup cocoa

¼ tsp salt

¼ tsp baking powder

½  cup semi sweet choc chips

 

In large mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugar, then eggs and vanilla. In separate bowl, combine flour, cocoa, baking powder, salt. Stir into butter mixture until blended. Add chocolate chips. Fill lined cups 2/3 full. Bake 13-15 minutes.  Don’t forget to line cups!! (unless you use the silicone cups like i do, then you have to wait until they cool completely before taking them out. And i mean cool completely.) Dust with powdered sugar.

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Delicious Dish

109_0275.jpgSo, my party on Saturday was a wonderful success. Here’s a little background… Amy is a woman i know through a great friend of mine and her husband also happens to be my dentist. I have great teeth. So there we are at a party in her home and she begins to tell us of a little soiree she is holding in which there will be manicurists, pedicurists, masseuses, etc. and she’s having it catered. Robert  chimes in and says “Well, Tara is starting a catering business that’s just desserts (hence the name) so why doesn’t she do your sweet table for you?” I was in shock when she said yes and asked what i did exactly. I mean, I didn’t really know. At that point, it was just brainstorming. And yes, I would share it with Robert as he would be over at my house at least 3 nights a week, but i didin’t think anyone else would take me seriously.

I would wait for Olivia to go to bed and i would sit in front of my computer thinking of things i could do with my life. I was getting restless and sorry to say, bored. I wrote down all the things i was good at that could be moneymakers for me- writing, baking, or doing makeup on dead people. That was it. Out of  those, i picked baking as the one the one thing i could probably be comfortable with at this point. So I was just jotting things down in a binder and trying to figure out what it would take to run a baking business out of my house. When Amy said she wanted me to do her spa party, i was so nervous. Naturally, all the questions rattled around in my brain.

What if no one likes my stuff? It’s one thing that my fatso husband will like whatever i make but the public? And would they be willing to pay for something they can buy so much cheaper?  I went home and got started on everything i would need. I had over a month to prepare but it still didn’t seem like enough time. I wanted to put all my recipes on my computer (all the good ones anyway-some are NOT winners) and then there were the supplies…oh god, the supplies…the flour, sugar, butter, eggs, and all those little extras like mascarpone cheese for the frosting on my red velvet cupcakes, the torch for the sugar on my creme brulee, it was all so overwhelming.

It took a while but then I knew what i wanted to do. The vision i have for my business is this- you call me and tell me what you want, i show up with the goodies, display stands, table cloth, table, name cards, etc. and all you do is pay me. I come back that night or the next day to get my stuff and voila! Your dessert table is taken care of. Here’s the catch- I’m only doing individual desserts. Not cookies, cakes, bars or other crap i don’t care about. Fudge brownies, creme brulee, cheesecakes, and OF COURSE cupcakes, among other things. Can you picture white chocolate cups with mousse on the inside and white chocolate curls on top? I’m going to do tiramisu in three different flavors and god help me, individual fruit pies. I’m drooling thinking about it. I can’t wait to get more people lined up for my stuff.

I’m so excited now. And i have another party lined up for tomorrow at 4. I’m baking stuff for a wake. I wonder who died.

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baby, it’s cold outside

img_0501.jpgHere i am in the midwest and it’s got to be below zero out there. i made some yummy chocolate chip cupcake/muffins yesterday and they were fabulous and moist and now they are gone. i didn’t bother taking a picture because they were white on top. Not very intersting to look at, but suffice it to say, the inside was chock full of..well, chocolate. And moistness. Did i mention they were moist? It does hurt a little to kiss my own ass, but i don’t care. They were THAT good. I got a book in the mail called 500 cupcakes and even though it says on the inside cover that this is the only compendium of cupcakes i will ever need, i still feel that i need more. Some of the recipes are a little strange. My collection of Wonder Woman weirdness(including a box of macaroni and cheese with Wonder Woman on the front and her insignia soon to be tattooed on the back of my neck) does indeed imply that I am all about strange, but something about couscous and onion cupcakes, or eggplant and caviar cupcakes makes me somewhat ill.

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Chocolate cupcakery

109_0194.jpgYesterday i decided to experiment with a cupcake recipe i pulled from the internet. It seemed like a good one. There was apparently a celebration of chocolate cupcakes on Good Morning America in which they had chocolate cupcake day. I’m all for that. (I’ll post the recipe later.) Anyways, i made them but tweaked the recipe a bit by adding semi-sweet chocolate chips and shortening the baking time. Plus i didn’t have cake flour so i made my own using cornstarch. When it was all said and done, the batter didn’t really seem like batter, it seemed like mousse. I had to scoop the batter into my muffin cups which were lined with the cutest liners ever that had cartoon cupcakes on them. For future reference, chocolate batter with white liners that have images on them is dumb. The cupcakes turned out somewhat dry and crumbly, and you couldn’t see the cutie pie liner images. I made chocolate buttercream, sweetened whipped cream, and i had some leftover strawberry cream cheese frosting from strawberry cupcakes i made a few days ago. i experimented with each and found the strawberry to be the yummiest, but that’s not the point of this story.

Picture me as a mom who drives her kids to scholastic bowl, cello lessons, and dermatologist appointments, does the dishes twice a day, takes out the garbage daily, gets up at 6:30 three days a week to take the kids to school, works two or three days a week waitressing, and of course chases after her toddler all damn day. You get the picture of how tired i am, right? so this morning i fell asleep on the couch. You see where this is going? I woke up to a chocolate face right in my face saying, “mama?…mama?” Somehow she reached up on top of the counter and pulled down the entire cooling rack with buttercream frosted cupcakes on it. She then proceeded to smear them all over the fridge, the floor, the couch, herself, and she was starting to rub it on me when i was awakened by her deceivingly angelic voice. I mean, who cares, i don’t really like buttercream anyway but I just got done cleaning it. I wanted to get pictures and put them here but i was in too much of a hurry to get the poo-like substance out of her nose. God i can’t WAIT for play-doh. (Picture me stabbing the first person who gets her for her.)

Now she’s whining about not being able to get up on the couch on her own, so i must leave.

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Filed under baby, brat, chocolate, cupcake, messy, poo