Holiday Food Round-up

005Hello to all! Thanks for sticking around in spite of my not updating nearly as often as I should. This is some of what I made for my t-day(we don’t dare call it Thanksgiving at my house, as no one is thankful for a goddam thing).

Apple Sausage Cranberry Stuffing (Vegan)

1 cup dried cranberries

1/2 cup apple cider

1/2 cup margarine

1 large yellow onion, chopped

1 bag Pepperidge Farm seasoned bread crumbs, not cubes (while the crumbs ARE vegan, they still have high fructose corn syrup and something or other hydrogenated, so feel free to make a pound of bread crumbs out of your own uber healthy bread and add your own seasonings. I for one don’t think it’s going to kill me to eat that stuff every so often.)

1 package Gimme Lean ground sausage style

olive oil for sauteeing

1 apple, peeled, cored, chopped

2 tsp dried thyme

2 tsp dried sage

1 1/2 cups veggie broth

salt and pepper to taste, of course

First up- place the cranberries in 1/4 cup of the apple cider to soak for about an hour, stirring occasionally. Next, sautee the onions along with the ‘sausage’ and some olive oil. Maybe a couple tablespoons. Yeah, that sounds good. Be sure to crumble the heck out of the ‘sausage’ because it has a tendency to stick together into one fine lumpy mess. The onions should be nice and soft and the ‘meat’ should have some brown parts, this may take up to fifteen minutes. In a very large bowl, mix the bread crumbs with the sausage/onion mixture. Add apples, cranberries and their liquid, thyme, and sage. Salt and pepper to taste.

In a small sauce pan, add margarine,1 1/2 cups broth, remaining 1/4 cup cider and heat until margarine is melted. Pour into stuffing mixture and combine thoroughly.(If your stuffing seems a bit dry at this point, drizzle more broth over the top until it’s as moist as you like it.)

Place in casserole dish, put in 350 oven for about 30 minutes, covered with foil. If you like it browned, leave off the foil. Yay you! You just made wonderfully sweet AND savory stuffing that even your meat eaters won’t complain about. If they do, they can go to McDonald’s. Who gives a damn.

Best Mashed Potatoes Ever:

I don’t have a picture of the best mashed potatoes ever, but here’s the general gist: You boil five pounds of peeled and chopped yukon gold potatoes until they are soft. Mash them up. They don’t have to be too mashed since you’re going to take your hand-held mixer and whip them in a minute.

While your potatoes are boiling, put in a fry pan about 1/4 cup olive oil and as many minced up cloves of garlic as you want. I use about five or six, depending on size. We love garlic in my house, so there you go. Let the garlic become a little softened, but not too brown or it will taste bitter and gross.

Okay, now grab your mixer. Add about one cup of veggie broth to the potatoes and  mix well. Throw in a little margarine for extra creaminess. Now add in the olive oil and garlic. Mix well. Heaven!!

031 Here we have my favorite sweet potatoes with a candied pecan crust. I baked about 12 medium sized sweet potatoes in a 400 degree oven for 45 minutes. I let them cool, then scooped out the guts and put them into a large bowl. I mixed in 1/4 cup margarine plus 1/4 cup brown sugar. I used my hand-held mixer again for a nice smooth texture. I spread them smoothly into a casserole dish. Then I threw a cup of pecan pieces into a fry pan with 1/2 cup of brown sugar and 1/2 cup margarine. I mixed it well, then let the whole mixture come to a boil. I let it boil for about a minute. Then I spread it out over the top of the sweet potatoes. It became a hard shell within minutes. Throw it in a 350 oven for about 40 minutes.

It was really awesome and I’m not just saying that because I made It and I think every thing I make is amazing. Just look at it. Exactly.

On a more personal note, I wanted to give a shout out to my friend Natalie, who is going through a rough patch with her two-year-old. Girl, I am there.  Here’s how my day usually goes: I get Olivia out of her crib while she screams for whatever toy or book (or binky) she couldn’t carry in her arms to the changing table because her arms are already full of the toys  and books she demanded to have in the crib with her last night. She cries while I change her into regular clothes. She cries to sit on my lap for her first two hours while I replay the same dvr shows over and over again. She refuses breakfast of any kind. She whines about wanting a snack, even though she has not eaten breakfast.The second I sit down to check my email, she’s right at my side making this sound-‘ uh uh uh’ denoting her trying to get into my lap. I tell her no. She cries. Everything in our house has to be put on top of the refrigerator or locked in a bedroom because she has figured out how to push a chair against the counters to get what she wants. She grabs for everything and anything. All of it gets pulled onto the floor. Every five minutes I hear “mommy?”  I am always telling her no about everything and she is always crying about it. She’s already destroyed about ten of my tree ornaments. I’m not sure why I bothered with a tree. You can guess how the rest of the day goes, right? I am at my wits end.

If anyone has ever questioned their very wise decision to not have children, please come to my house. I dare you. Teenagers AND a toddler?? And  ALL girls?? Oh, snap. You’ll leave here absolutely hating children of all ages. Here’s a picture of what happens in my house when you decide for the first time in months to go to the bathroom alone and you take too long.

002I got a package in the mail. I took out the contents of the box and placed the box on my table thinking it was too large for her to try and grab and take down. Mistake number one.

This took forever to clean up because they were all under my couch and stuff.

Anyways, there you go. Don’t have kids unless you want this mess every day.

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