Today I go in for an MRI on my hip to find out why I’m limping around like an old lady. Scratch that, actually, I watch the Golden Girls almost every damn night and not one of THEM hobbles around like i do. Anyways, this all started when i was preggers, about 5 months. We had a chaise lounge attached to our couch and it was my special spot, even though it was getting harder and harder to get up from because i was slowly becoming an orca whale. So, there i was, so excited to watch “My Life on the D List” starring the retardedly funny Kathy Griffinwhen i went to turn to get on the chaise and it felt like i pulled something clean out of the socket. Here’s how painful it was…a little story for ya…when i was four days close to my due date, my dr. told me to go in to be induced. i was actually kinda happy, that last week is the worst week ever for a cranky, swollen, twice her weight pregnant lady. So i go in, blah blah blah…my epidural was completely worn off by 9:30 pm, and I mean completely. I kept asking my phillipino nurse where the anesthesiologist was and she kept saying, “he on his way.” Then at 11:30, i was in so much pain and i wanted to strangle every person in front of me and she says, “oh, too late now, you push.” She put my ankles up by my ears and told me to get on with it. At this point, all i could feel was pain…in my hip. I couldn’t feel anything in my snatch area because the pain was so bad in my damn hip! Can you believe it?? I couldn’t. I mean, it had been a while since i pushed out a kid but naturally, every woman and her grandmother felt the need to tell me their birthing stories so i figured on some pain, at some point. Oh, and then the IV in my arm was killing me! And the needle in my back was bleeding! I tried to get my husband to rip it out for me, to no avail. Jerk. Anyways, where was i? Oh yeah, babbling about my birthing story, like anyone cares. There are two things we hate hearing about but ending up listening anyway- when someone starts telling you about how long and painful heir labor was, and the sentence that starts with this- “Omg, listen to this dream i had last night…” god i hate hearing what people dreamed about. I don’t care! The only way i could care less about what you dreamed about is if basketball were on tv. or the dog show. or emeril lagasse. Well, enough of my bitching for now, I’ll be back later with a vengeance!
Category Archives: dream story