Tag Archives: chocolate

Another Bridal Shower

Can you believe it? someone actually found my website and called to order! I was shocked, too, honestly. I put up that website so my friends and family members could all get a good laugh out of my rudeness. I had no idea someone would actually take any of it serious.

Alas, along came Jan, searching the web for treats for her daughters bridal shower. She remembered having my goodies at a friends son’s christening in which the cupcakes were in the shape of a cross-I kid you not. Not individual cross-shaped cupcakes, nooooooo. She wanted them on a very large platter placed neatly to resemble her saviour’s crucifix. Hey, man, if you’re paying me, I’ll put them in the shape of an inverted pentagram. Whatever.

So Jan read my website thoroughly and called to discuss numbers and flavors. She says, “I read where you put that you only do full dozens and I want you to know, that’s okay. I understand.” It was nice to hear someone agree in the face of the naysayers telling me I should kiss as much ass as possible and just give people what they want. Nah, says I. Not gonna happen.

She ordered strawberry with strawberry cream cheese icing, white chocolate macadamia with orange cream cheese icing, chocolate with chocolate icing, cappuccino chip with coffee buttercream, lemon scented angel food cakes with lemon cream cheese icing, red velvet with plain cream cheese icing, and strawberry margarita. there was something for everyone, including the already-drunk-when-she-walked-in mother of the groom.

I was trying a new cappuccino chip recipe and there weren’t enough to taste so I hope they were good. I always encourage honest feedback from my customers, I hope they don’t just blow smoke up my ass. This recipe called for finely ground coffee in the actual batter which sounded a bit weird and possibly gritty to me, so who knows. She told me everything was fabulous and I really hope that it was. It sure looked good!!

So even though this is a mostly vegan food blog, not one of these recipes is vegan. This blog started out as me complaining about my kids, then went into my small-time baking projects, and THEN went vegan so I feel I must stay true somewhat to my roots and post pics of the stuff I do for others special events.

Oh, and if anyone has any advice on how to make strawberry cream cheese icing pipeable, hit me up. I’m dying over here. All I can ever manage is to put a blob on each cuppie and hope that it doesn’t drip too much. I had so much frosting go to waste because I didn’t know what else to do with the leftover. The very first time I made it, it was phenominal and I don’t know what I did that was different. Oh well!

Here’s the recipe for the angel food cupcakes. I get a lot of peeps asking about this one.

Angel Food cupcakes

½ cup cake flour

¼ cup confectioners’ sugar

5 large egg whites, at room temperature

¼ teaspoon salt

½ tsp vanilla

½ teaspoon cream of tartar

¼ cup plus 2 Tbsp granulated sugar

1-2 tsp grated lemon zest (optional, for lemony angels)

Oven at 325.

Line muffin pan with foil liners. In a small bowl, combine the cake flour with the confectioners’ sugar. In a large bowl, combine the egg whites with the salt, vanilla and cream of tartar and beat until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in the granulated sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time, until the whites are firm and glossy. Sift the flour mixture over the egg whites in 2 additions, folding gently until incorporated.

Spoon the batter into the muffin cups. Bake for 13 to 15 minutes, shifting the pan from front to back, until the cupcakes are springy and golden. Transfer the cupcakes to a rack to cool.

To make them just lightly lemon scented, add 1-2 teaspoons of grated lemon zest to the batter.

To make them a lot more lemony, add ¼ cup thawed frozen lemonade.

I like to be decadent since the cake itself has pretty much no fat. I make my favorite cream cheese icing and when you would normally put in a tablespoon or two of milk to soak up the dryness of the powdered sugar, I put in a tablespoon or two fresh squeezed lemon juice. It’s so tangy you think your lips are going to stay in that puckered butthole position for awhile, but they won’t, don’t worry.

Oh, and If you aren’t feeling decadent at all, just slice strawberries and put those on top, lame-o.

Enjoy!

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Banana Split Pudding Brownies

I have been craving some chocolate lately, and in a mean, mean way. Since I can’t just run out an buy a candy bar, I have to make my own stuff. Normally, I would bust out my copy of Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World, close my eyes, hold out my finger and randomly pick a recipe (then flip around until I found something I REALLY wanted to make). However, I was in the mood for something a little more…fudgey. Not to mention we had a bunch of brown bananas that needed to go away as they were housing a colony of fruit flies on my damn windowsill. So, I opened my bent, dirty, sticky copy of Vegan With a Vengeance and found this heaven sent jumble of words. I’m not sure why they are called Banana Split Pudding Brownies, they were more like fudgey brownies with a creamy banana topping, but they were awesome nonetheless. Another home run by Isa. Love you, girl.

As usual, I made some adjustments to my liking and to how I do things, so if you see things differently here as to what’s in the book, get over it. I think next time I make these, though, I will put them in a smaller pan, maybe 9×9, and bake them longer. I’ll let you know how that turns out. Here they are-

For the brownies-

4 oz semi sweet chocolate chopped, or 4 oz mini chips

2 large overripe bananas, mashed

1/3 cup canola oil

1 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

3/4 cup flour

1/4 cup cocoa powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

For the topping-

2 large overripe mashed bananas

2 Tbsp sugar

1/4 cup soy milk *i used vanilla soy milk, it was all I had. Boooo….

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 Tbsp arrowroot powder

For decoration and even more banana yumminess-

1 ripe, but not too ripe banana, sliced

Oven at 350. Spray a 9×13 pan with no-stick.

For the brownies…melt the chocolate chips in a small glass bowl in the microwave for one minute. Stir until smooth, set aside. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, mix bananas, oil and sugar with your hand held mixer until well combined. Mix in vanilla and melted chocolate. In a separate bowl, mix together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Add this to the banana mixture in batches and blend completely, but you know, as usual, don’t over mix.

In a small bowl, combine all topping ingredients and beat until well combined, about a minute.

Spread brownie mixture evenly in baking pan. pour banana topping over that and spread evenly. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool for 15, then move to fridge until fully cooled. To the left is what mine looked like when they came out of the oven. Cut into twelve portions, top with sliced bananas and serve. YUM. I actually cut them into 24 portions and there was no evil uprising. I kept them in the fridge because, I dunno, they just seemed like a fridge type thing. Her directions say to top with sliced bananas, place on plate, and eat with a fork but after cutting them smaller and refrigerating them, totally not necessary. The extra bananas are totally up to you.

Here they are again as smaller bars and with a movie I watched last night that I frigging loved to little bloody pieces. Best line ever- “You two took away everything I ever loved. Fuck you both.” Lucky Number Slevin. Go rent it.

So, my review of “Skinny Bitch in the Kitch” is going to be kinda negative. If this was a book you liked, well, you should buy better vegan cookbooks, truthfully. I didn’t hate it, let’s be honest, if I wrote a cookbook, it would have the kind of mean-spirited butthole-ishness that this one has. As I put in my previous post, one of the pages in the book states, and I quote, “There’s nothing more annoying that recipes with a million obscure ingredients.” Agreed. But then some of their recipes call for stuff like kelp powder, or refined coconut oil to the tune of $16 for 16 ounces. OUCH! Evaporated cane sugar? I couldn’t find that crap anywhere. A good portion of their recipes consist of things like “vegan cheese, vegan turkey lunch meat, vegan chicken cutlets, etc.” You know, the kind of stuff I could have figured out for myself, for pete’s sake. I was not impressed. Sigh….

I think maybe this book was made for girls who don’t know how to cook and just got into the whole vegan thing. In that respect, I can dig it. But if you are a seasoned home cook, like I am, this book won’t cut it. No offense ladies. However! I have found one recipe that I am willing to try and I will post/bitch about it in a few days.

Until then, have a good one! I know I will. I get to spend tomorrow night in Chicago while my daughter is at the Good Charlotte(gag) show. I’m going to see the Hulk and then it’s off to Veggie Bite or Joy’s Noodles. Probably Veggie Bite. I effing love their shakes. Woot.

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Dear Summer…

I effing hate you. You give me perma-frizz for like four months. You make my face look greasy enough to fry eggs on, if i still ate eggs. I hate sweating and being around humidity. I hate being in the sun and that whole “gotta get a tan” subculture. I also hate shorts and you will NEVER see me in them. Oh yeah, and i hate ‘belly’ shirts, too. First, I’ve had three kids so every shirt i own is a ‘belly’ shirt. Second, you would be hard pressed to find one square inch of my torso that does NOT have some sort of freckle or mole on it. This just occurred in the last few years. Even my own mother, who came to visit and happened to be around while i was getting dressed and only had my bra on, said, “Wow! When did THAT happen? You weren’t ALWAYS covered in moles, right?” My mother. She is soooo going to Shady Pines when she gets older.

Also, I am as pale as the day is long. Like, see-through, I’m so damn pale. I like being pale, to tell you the truth. While everyone around me looks orange and unnaturally leatheresque, I am keeping my youth tightly in my grasp. I get people all the time who say things like, “YOU have teenagers? What, did you start when you were like 12?” To which I would love to reply “Actually, 11. And they have three different daddies, one of which is my brother. Oh, and I’m from Alabammer ‘riginally.” But, I digress. Not everyone can possess my sparkling social graces.

The only good part of summer is the fact that I can eat ice cream ten times a day, and no one (except my scale) looks at me funny. My fiend-oops, friend- at Bake and Destroy! got herself the ice cream attachment for her brand new Kitchen-Aid mixer. Well, I’m not one to be left behind trendwise, so I hopped on that bandwagon faster than you can say “Just TRY to keep up with the Slaters, I dare ya!” However, my old ass Kitchen-Aid was too small for that attachment so I bought the next best thing(I hope), the Cuisinart ice cream maker.

This recipe is actually from the magazine Vegetarian Times, which my daughter insists I subscribe to, or else. It’s a good mag, I like it. This is called ‘super chocolate vegan gelato.’ It is the best vegan gelato recipe ever. I mean that. Here it is-

2 cups plain soy creamer, divided (I used Silk. I love that stuff. One container is exactly two cups. Plus, i found no reason to have this recipe ‘divided’ so i didn’t do that.)

1/2 cup brown sugar

3 Tbsp cocoa powder

3 Tbsp cornstarch

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 cup mini vegan choc. chips (the recipe actually said 4 oz. semisweet chocolate, finely chopped. Who has time for that?)

2 tsp vanilla

Combine soy milk, cocoa powder, cornstarch and salt over medium heat. Simmer until slightly thickened, stirring constantly with a whisk. Remove from heat and stir in chocolate chips and vanilla until melted and combined. Cover and chill 4 hours or overnight. Mine looked a lot like pudding. Prepare according to ice cream maker’s directions. Hooray! I can do THAT.

Oh, and at the end of mixing, which took about 25 minutes, i tossed in a teaspoon of Starbuck’s coffee liqueur. Not because I’m a boozer or anything, but because I was too lazy to mix up some instant, but also because i have a giant bottle of this stuff so I’m always looking for places to use it.

Holy CRAP was this shizzle delicious!! It was creamy, rich, chocolatey, fudgey and just plain ol’ heavenly. You could barely taste the coffee, which was fine, really. It just sort of gave it that little something extra. Also, next time, i think i will stick the mix in the blender before i heat it up because i did notice tiny clumps of cocoa powder here or there. Nothing serious, just here or there.

I insist that you try it. The Cuisinart was only $60 and I know they have them used on Amazon for like $30.

Also, i went to visit my friend Jackie today who just had a baby girl (named Natalie!) May 9th and ended up staying for less than one hour because Olivia is so scared to death of other kids, she wouldn’t stop tantruming and banshee howling every time Jackie’s little boy Trevor came within ten feet of her. Yes, I have one of THOSE children. Brat.

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Fudge brownies

0041.jpgSo the job i am doing today consists of my fudge brownies, mini banana split cupcakes, and chocolate cupcakes with a ganache center and chocolate frosting. People love their chocolate.

I just finished making the brownies and they look nice. I have to say, i hate making brownies, mainly because i think i suck at it. However, this lady had my brownies at Saturday’s spa party and when she called, the first thing she said was ” i want those brownies.” Excellent.

I made them in my silicone heart-shaped molds. I think it gives them that little something extra, don’t you think? Oh, and i made them while rocking out to Johnny Cash’s greatest hits.

Also, my husband thought the last batch of my brownies weren’t chocolate-y enough, but I think he’s a retard so we’re even. You decide…

Oven at 350

1/3 cup butter

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

¾ cup flour

½ cup cocoa

¼ tsp salt

¼ tsp baking powder

½  cup semi sweet choc chips

 

In large mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugar, then eggs and vanilla. In separate bowl, combine flour, cocoa, baking powder, salt. Stir into butter mixture until blended. Add chocolate chips. Fill lined cups 2/3 full. Bake 13-15 minutes.  Don’t forget to line cups!! (unless you use the silicone cups like i do, then you have to wait until they cool completely before taking them out. And i mean cool completely.) Dust with powdered sugar.

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