***Edited note: Originally I had a link to a site but she has since made her blog private. I will never understand why people even bother writing blogs only to make it so others can’t read them. Just keep your diary under your mattress for crissake! She lost a lot of points with me. Booo….
First and foremost- this broad is H-I-L-arious. Go here and read her stuff. If you’re easily offended, well too freaking bad. She swears, she yells about people who are stupid- she does all the things I wanna do but get in trouble for when I do them. People tend to hold you to a higher standard when you’re a mom but I still make fart jokes and I call my fifteen year old daughter a douche bag. I’m going to try real hard not to swear(too much) because this site links to my business site and I don’t want to scare away money, but she has inspired me to be a little more…myself. And if THAT scares away money, well, you’re probably a huge pain in the ass I don’t want to deal with you anyway. Honestly, uptight people who offend easily should never come around me.
Plus, I totally agree with her about the Tina Fey stuff. Tina’s funny and all, but I expected ‘Mean Girls’ to be way funnier. I did totally love Janitor from Scrubs (one of my favorite TV shows of all time) as the dad, so here’s my shout out to good casting.
To the food!! I made this fantastic falafel(p98 ) from Vegan With a Vengeance. To your left, is my daughter enjoying hers. And in case anyone’s wondering, yes, I DO own other vegan cookbooks. In fact, I have two more coming from Amazon so don’t get your panties in a twist about it. I just happen to love these broads and I’m hoping that if they get enough press, they can get their butts on the Food Network and open the world’s eyes to good food that is cruelty-free. I’m sick and tired of people asking me where I get my protein and “what do you eat anyway?” Me- “Oh, you know, rocks, sticks, grass. I found some flowers the other day and sauteed them with garlic.” What idiots, I can hardly stand it sometimes. Here’s the recipe-
2 cups cooked chickpeas (i used two cans and drained and rinsed them)
1/4 c whole wheat bread crumbs (NOT Italian style, which is all i have, and it has parm cheese in it, so i had to used an old dried up heel of bread that i tossed in the blender. But if you’re not vegan then go nuts with it, girl! Or boy!)
2 Tbsp AP flour
1 medium sized onion chopped (I hate onions so I only used 1/4 of an onion, for flavor)
2 cloves chopped garlic
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander (I left this out because I hate cilantro/coriander)
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 c chopped fresh, Italian flat-leaf parsley
1/2 tsp salt
a few grinds of fresh ground black pepper
veg oil for frying (I used corn oil)
Pita breads sliced in half to make pockets(I used 100% whole wheat), sliced tomatoes(you may want to leave these off with the current salmonella outbreak and all), lettuce(I didn’t bother since eating lettuce is pointless for me- I may as well put it directly into the toilet), red onion(which I hate so no go on these either), sliced cucumber, and tahini dressing.
Put everthing up until the veggie oil into a food processor. Scrape down the sides occasionally, but make sure you have a nice pasty consistency. Put it into a bowl, cover and refrigerate for about an hour or until it firms up a bit. I ended up leaving mine in there for two days because I had to work and didn’t have time. I assumed it would take a long time but I guess i didn’t really realize all i was making was a damn sandwich.
Put your oil in the pan to heat up. Take the bowl out of the fridge, make about 16 little balls then flatten them into patties. I have large fry pans so I was able to make them in two batches of 8. Place in the oil and let sit until they get brown on the bottom, you will be able to see the brownness. Very carefully, flip them over and cook another 3 minutes or so. Maybe 5, who knows. I wasn’t counting, I just waited until I saw brown. The book says 2 1/2 to 3 minutes per side. You do what you want. I sure did.
When they come out of the oil, place them onto paper towels for draining and your best bet here is to eat immediately. Although, i ended up having two later on that I had to micro and they weren’t bad at all, just not crispy, and I think the crispness is what you’re going for here. Oh, and I’m thinking of renaming them Crabby Patties since I’m an old grump and my little peanut loves Spongebob. She may just eat them, you know?
Then you put them into pita breads that you have already spread with tahini. You put tomato, lettuce, onion and cucumber in there too. I used two patties per sammie but you can make it more veggie-based by just using one pattie and filling that pita up with the toppers. Yum! these were fantastic! I thought they would be hard and a pain in the arse but not so much! Just mix the stuff up, chill it, make patties, fry it, then assemblage of sammies. I served them with homemade guacamole but I don’t feel like posting the recipe since all i really did was throw an avocado into the magic bullet with some lime juice, jalapeno, cumin, salt, pepper, and garlic. Just pretend there are pictures, okay? Thanks.
Also, this thing rules the school for chopping. It is god, really. God. It was given to me by my hubby’s grandma because she heard me talking about how i wanted to buy one. It would have only been twenty bucks, and I’ll tell you what- for as much chopping as i do on a daily effing basis, I love this thing, totally worth it. You should spend the twenty bucks. They were at Bed, Bath, and Beyond last I checked. It has a smaller blade for garlic, or just smaller onions I suppose. I hate chopping onions. Don’t you? Ick.
Here’s what I had for breakfast for the last three days. It was simply scrumptious. I sauteed in a large pan one Tbsp of corn oil, one package of extra firm tofu crumbled, a cup of Morningstar Farms vegan sausage crumbles, a tsp of cumin, half cup of Trader Joe’s fire roasted corn, salt and pepper. I spread some Earth Balance on a piece of toast and away I went! It fed me for three days!! And it was awesome!!! I have always loved my eggs soft-scrambled(but not runny, that’s just gross) so this was perfect for me! I’m going to make it again, thank you very much!!!
Until next time, kiddies….