Whole Lotta Cookin’

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for sticking around even though I haven’t posted in about three weeks. I got terribly ill and now I have something else wrong that is completely unrelated to the virus I had. Gads, what a sicky I am. I lie awake at night wondering what could be wrong with me and while that may make me a textbook hypochondriac, it doesn’t allay the fears I have that SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. I find out tomorrow. I hope you’re excited, because I know I am. To the food…

This was an artichoke piccata-type thing. Since I obviously don’t eat any type of meat, I had to fill the gap with someting and that nice bag of frozen artichoke hearts from Trader Joe’s taking up space in my freezer fit quite nicely into this recipe. Next time, I will add more lemon juice. Basically this recipe consisted of white wine, capers, olive oil, said artichokes, salt and pepper, and lemon juice. I tossed in a little bit of flour to thicken the sauce then poured it over the cooked, drained, and NOT rinsed whole grain pasta. Delicious!

Next we have vegan risotto. Didn’t think you could make risotto vegan, did ya? It was the same pain in the butt it used to be when I made it with butter  and cheese, only this time, zero cholesterol but just as creamy.  Risotto gets its texture from being stirred continuously for thirty minutes. I used olive oil only as opposed to the usual concoction of butter and olive oil. I took one cup of risotto rice and sauteed it in the oil with four cloves of minced garlic for about five minutes. Then it got hit with about 2/3 cup of white wine and when that started to soak in, I had four cups of veggie broth/stock waiting on the warmer. Don’t forget to keep your heat as low as possible on the rice. You only need to add as much stock to come to the top of the rice each time. Keep the stock warm so you don’t have to wait for the rice to come back to boiling after each addition. At the very end, I added in the salt and pepper, some julienne sun-dried tomatoes, and sliced shiitake mushrooms. You can feel free to experiment with your favorite vegetables here, or if you want to add minced onion at the beginning with the garlic, be my guest.

This was a batch of five-minute coconut fudge from my newly acquired book, My Sweet Vegan by Hannah Kaminsky. This book is amazing. It is desserts only (if you didn’t quite get that from the title) and honestly, you can’t go wrong here folks. She’s an amazing cookbook writer.

When this pan was done cooling but not quite set up, I just grabbed a fork and started hacking away like the heroine in a remade zombie flick. My next project will be the cashew pear tart even though I don’t have a tart pan.

Here is my little stinker, Olivia, after her bath, holding my new cookbook. Altogether now…”awww….”

I have a confession to make. I’ve never really liked turkey, even before I stopped eating animals. When Thanksgiving dinner would roll around, I would fill up my plate hungrily with all the different side dishes that the women from our family make and bring. Oh, and did I mention the dessert table? We are not a skinny family and for the most part, we don’t mind. Every holiday has to have about fifteen different desserts with the obligatory pumpkin pie, my personal favorite. This year, all I could think about last week was how to veganize this so you couldn’t taste the tofu but so that it was still solid in the middle. My previous attempts at this have been disastrous but I think we have a winner here!

1 can pureed pumkin (not pumkin pie mix!)

3/4 cup sugar (or 1/2 cup pure maple syrup)

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground ginger

1/4 tsp ground cloves

1/2 tsp allspice

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1 package Mori-nu extra firm tofu, drained very well. Let sit on paper towels for a few minutes to remove any excess water. You don’t want extra moisture in this pie or it will stay mushy.

1 nine inch unbaked vegan pie shell. I bought Mrs. Smith’s because they had no animal products in them.

Blend pumpkin with tofu in blender or food processor. We’re going for a nice smooth texture here so you don’t want little chunks of tofu hanging around. If you can get this job done with your hand mixer, then go nuts. Add in the sugar and spices and blend very well. (At this point, if you want to add in a Tbs or two of cornstarch to kind of help the pie get firm, you can. I didn’t because I was worried about being able to taste it.) Pour into unbaked crust. Place tin foil around edges only of crust, otherwise they will burn to a crisp. Place pie in preheated 425 oven. After fifteen minutes, reduce heat to 350 then bake for one hour. Let cool completely, then place in refrigerator to firm up. Serve with this marvelous can of Soyatoo soy whipped cream, something else I thought I would never be able to experience again. The universe must really love me this year. Of course, if that were true then I would be able to find a job where I wasn’t enabling old drunk people to stay old and drunk. Ahem, anyways.

This was simply delicious. The center did not get as firm as I would have liked but at least it wasn’t raw eggs in there so eating a little bit of slightly mushy pumpkin was no big deal. I thought I would have to miss out on pumpkin pie this year, but alas, I do not. I win!

Halloween is this Friday so I will be back to post pictures of some food I’m making for my brother-in-law’s party. Good times!

Weird Stuff Around My House

That’s what I’m calling my post because I couldn’t think of another name. These things aren’t necessarily weird, mind you. But they are around my house, so there. Oh, and there’s cookies if you wait around until the end of my babbling. First, we have this gigantoid praying mantis that had me thinking of some crap-ass science fiction that my brother forced me to watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon maybe 25 years ago. One of my worst memories was being made to watch something called “Terror in the Jungle” about a boy who was taken by cannibals and just as they were about to sacrifice him to the god of whatever, the kid’s stuffed white tiger comes to life and slaughters the whole tribe. My brother was famous for making me watch things like “Kung-Fu Theater” or “Grateful Dead at the Fillmore East” every Sunday. And by making me watch things I mean he would sit on me for about two hours. Jerk.

Praying mantis

Next up, we have the most disgusting spider I have ever seen. Why? Because it was guarding my mail when I knew there were two more discs of “Entourage, Season 4” in there from my Netflix. God, was I pissed. My husband kept telling me to get a broom and sweep him away but I was afraid of hurting him. How stupid, right?

Spider

Banana spider

Now we have something that I have waited for for years…humming birds. Why, you ask? Well, a million years ago, while visiting my brother in Colorado, the house where he was living had a hummingbird feeder hanging out off the eaves of the front porch. While we were all standing around outside talking, about 6 birds came to feed off this thing. It was extremely cool. While in Maine last month for my family reunions, my Aunt Joan (pronounced Joanne, I swear) had a hummingbird feeder suctioned to one of her windows and they came to slurp nectar while we sat around watching. Then about two weeks ago, while sitting in Olivia’s playroom listening to her push the same annoying buttons over and over again on some ridiculous toy she got for her birthday that seemingly has no other purpose except to irritate the ever loving shit out of the parents who have to suffer through it, i saw hummingbirds in my back yard. I had no idea that we got them in this area. What did I do? Why I went to the Foster and Smith website and ordered myself an assload of outdoorsy shit including a butterfly house, a butterfly feeder, a bat house, and of course, a hummingbird feeder and some nectar. It only took a week until they came a flying my way to feed. Yay! I hope that all didn’t just make me sound REALLY gay. Oh well.

Hummingbird

In this next photo we have what will be the equivalent to whatever made Van Gogh cut off his own ear: A drum set  for a two year old. What kind of evil jerkface buys one of these things for a toddler? Oh wait, that would be own husband, on Ebay again without telling me. “Look honey! I won this pink drum set for Olivia!” I wanted to bury him in the back yard. No one will notice, I told myself. He won’t be missed, I’m sure of it. The lovely irony is that she keeps waking him up with it every morning. Sucka!!!

Olivia and her drums

As stated in my previous post, I will be slowly making my way through an ebook posted on Hannah Kaminsky’s blog that you can purchase for five bucks. She’s the author of “My Sweet Vegan,” an obviously vegan dessert cookbook. Duh. I’m not going to post the recipe here. If you want it, pay for it cheapo. The girl’s putting herself through college, help her out. You can part with five bucks. The new Alanis cd will just have to wait another week. Here are a few pictures of me making the “Steel Cut Oatmeal Cookies.” She said they would be a great breakfast treat but they didn’t even last until bedtime in my house.

Steel-cut oatmeal

Here’s the oatmeal I made for the cookies. It took half an hour to cook. Steel cuts oats look weird, fyi. And while they were cooking, there was a weird greenish looking discharge oozing off the top of the oats and onto the sides of my pan. I should have taken a picture. It reminded of something they might show you pictures of in high school health class, seriously. “This is what an STD looks like! Don’t have sex, kids!”

Dried apples

Dried Apples

These are the dried apples required for the recipe. I could have gone out and bought two bags at four bucks each, or I could have just peeled, chopped, and dried the pile of apples on my counter. Which is what I did. About two hours at two hundred degrees, in case you were wondering. Don’t forget to spray your baking sheet with no stick. Good times.

Pre-bake

I made a batch and a half of these and I got twelve giant cookies out of this recipe. In her regular sized recipe she says she got twelve cookies. Hmm…what did I do wrong? Were they too big? IS there such a thing? I did use my three ounce ice cream scoop to dole out the batter. Oh well, they were fantastic nonetheless!! And now they all live in our bellies!!

Oatmeal apple cookie

She also states that you can use whatever dried fruit you happen to have lying around. If you have to be one of those weird people who like raisins with your oatmeal cookie, then go crazy with it. One thing I would like to point out: you cannot tell this is oatmeal. It doesn’t have the texture of a regular oatmeal cookie. You know what I mean- the giant oat that sometimes you just wish weren’t there. It was a more smooth, more moist cookie. Just better, in this baker’s opinion.

Abbey enjoying her cookie

This is my middle child Abbey plowing through her third cookie. She loved them. “Do we really have to wait for breakfast to eat these?” Pay no attention to the fact that her glasses are missing an arm. We’re getting that fixed This week. They broke while she was at Six Flags Ohio with her best friend Taylor. Oops! And she wanted me to point out that her hair doesn’t usually look this…odd. Get a good look at her, folks. Someday, she’s going to cure cancer. Or at least solve all my foot problems. Abbey the podiatrist. I like it.

Next time I will do the “peanut butter bombshell blondies.” I actually already made them but they turned out awful so I’m going to redo them because one of about eight things could have gone wrong. Sometimes I like to think I know better than the people who write recipe books. I don’t. I mean, they tasted delicious, they were just kinda undercooked and mushy. I’ll get it right, I swear! Plus, I bought the rootbeer extract to make the rootbeer pudding I swore I’d never make. Turns out my friend Robert really wants me to make it. Sigh…

See you next time!!

Food and Politics

So, I entered into the Iron Cupcake: Earth challenge and having looked at all the entries, I kind of wish I had done something a little more creative. Mine was the lamest of the lame. But on a happier note, I already have two of the three prizes being offered so I’m not going to cry into my pillow or anything. However, for this month’s challenge- basil- I’m fully prepared to rock your socks. Just you wait.

Coffee buzz energy bars

Last night while looking through my Flickr friends uploads, I happened upon Hannah Kaminsky’s pics and she had a link for a downloadable recipe booklet called “Lunchbox Bites.” For five dollars you get 12 printable vegan snack food recipes for your kids or yourself or whatever. Of course I bought it, started downloading and before I even had the whole thing printed up, made the “Coffee Buzz Energy Bars.” I love coffee. They were good but I think next time I’m going to add in some toasted almonds because that’s how I roll, yo. Out of all the recipes, the only one I will never ever make is the “Rootbeer Pudding.” This one seems like it will trigger my gag reflex without ever having come near my mouth. I hate rootbeer. But all in all, a good buy. I’m going to make everything else, even the cinnamon swirl bread, and I hate making bread.

Lemon Garlic Pasta

I made this amazing pasta last week. After being on vacation for a week and not being in my own kitchen and not being able to cook, i was jonesing for some home-cooked vegan fare. Maine isn’t exactly a Mecca for vegetarians, with their endless barrage of signs advertising giant lobster rolls or lobster dinners for $11 or $12. The recipe is from “Eat, Drink, and Be Vegan” by Dreena Burton. I made my own tweaks, as noted.

1 lb brown rice pasta (recipe calls for 3/4 lb of whatever pasta you like)

1/3 cup lemon juice (I used the stuff in the bottle, the recipe calls for fresh squeezed)

5 large garlic cloves (recipe says 2, suckas! But I love me some garlic)

1/3 cup capers (okay the recipe didn’t have this, i added it on my own. Super!! Makes it more like a piccata and that’s allright by me.)

1 1/2 tsp agave nectar

1/2 tsp dijon mustard

1/4 cup Olive oil

1/3 cup toasted walnuts (recipe says pine nuts, but those things aren’t cheap and I am)

3 tsp chopped basil (i used the frozen cubes that Trader Joe has. I love them. The recipe says 1/3 cup chopped fresh that you add at the end but I don’t follow directions well, i guess)

Cook pasta, reserving 1 cup of the pasta water. In a bowl mix all the ingredients together, then toss it into your pasta. If the pasta seems too dry, as mine did, add some pasta water. I used most of it because that brown rice stuff gets very sticky. I used my Parma! vegan parmesan cheese as a topper and away i went. This was so t angy and refreshing, i would highly recommend making it. At the very least, buy the cookbook, cheapo. She has some great stuff in there.

Jesus-y Lip Gloss- front

While in Maine, Robert decided to pick me up some Jesus-y lip gloss. Good for you, Robert! Keep pissing off the right wing pricks that started screwing up our country almost 8 years ago! Here is some of the stuff that it says on the package: (did you just giggle when I said package? Me too. Ahem.)

Be worthy, be noticed

Get tight with Christ!

The flavor is called “virtuous vanilla”

Look your Sunday best

Return lips to near virgin quality!

Jesus-y Lip Gloss- back

So you see why he had to pick this up for me. It’s effing hilarious. I love anything that makes fun of religion or just god in general. Or the elderly, the handicapped, the poor, the fat, pretty much anyone. I’ll make fun of anyone. If you irritate me, I’ll make fun of you too so piss off.

Oh, I also made these enchiladas. Super easy. You would have to have no arms and be blind in order for you to NOT be able to make this. Seriously.

2 cans black beans, drained and rinsed

1 can corn, drained and rinsed

1 can ro-tel diced tomatoes with green chiles (or other brand)

1 giant can red enchilada sauce

1 package (giggle) corn tortillas

2 0r 3 cups of shredded vegan cheese

Black Bean and Corn Enchiladas

Mix the beans, corn, and tomatoes together in a bowl. Spoon into tortillas,  then roll ’em up like burritos (or just fold over) and lay in baking dish. Pour enchilada sauce over the top, sprinkle with cheese, bake for 35 minutes at 400 or until cheese is melted. Hopefully you got the vegan cheese that melts, that other stuff is goopy and wierd.

These were a little spicy but a lot yummy! I made big dish of these and we still have half the pan leftover for tonight. I win! Now, if you can find cheap vegan cheese or buy it when it goes on sale, this is a fairly inexpensive dish to make and it feeds a lot. And it’s moderately healthy because of the beans and corn. I mean, there are worse things you could eat, like dead flesh.

Obama cupcake toppers

One last note, we have an election coming up and I want you to think really hard about who you are voting for. My friend Natalie at Bake and Destroy has made Obama cupcake toppers that you may download for free. I did it last night. On her etsy shop, she is selling ‘special’ cupcake toppers in honor of that giant anti-choice idiot Sarah Palin. Here’s what Natalie thinks of McCain. I think it’s fucking hilarious so now you get to laugh also: “I would elect a Satanist over McCain. (In my dreams, I know.) I would elect a baby-sacrificing goat over him. Oh wait, that’s his running mate. I would elect someone who worshiped balloons. My vote would go to a bowl of jellybeans before it went to that war-mongering walking corpse.” She also referred to him as MummRa, which made me almost pee myself. If you are a complete moron and you vote for McCain because he has a woman running mate and you’re “all about women’s rights,” think again. Here are some things you should know about Sarah Palin (and McCain):

Last week was John McCain’s 72nd birthday. If elected, he’d be the oldest president ever inaugurated. And after months of slamming Barack Obama for “inexperience,” here’s who John McCain has chosen to be one heartbeat away from the presidency: a right-wing religious conservative with no foreign policy experience, who until recently was mayor of a town of 9,000 people.

Huh?

Who is Sarah Palin? Here’s some basic background:

* She was elected Alaska’s governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage. She has no foreign policy experience.

* Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.

* She supported right-wing extremist Pat Buchanan for president in 2000.

* Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.

* She’s doesn’t think humans are the cause of climate change.

* She’s solidly in line with John McCain’s “Big Oil first” energy policy. She’s pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won’t be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as an endangered species—she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.

* How closely did John McCain get this choice? He met Sarah Palin once at a meeting. They spoke a second time, last Sunday, when he called her about being vice-president. Then he offered her the position.

This is information the American people need to see. Please take a moment to forward this to your friends and family.

Also, Alaska MoveOn members were asked what the rest of us should know about their governor. The response was striking.

Here’s a sample:

She is really just a mayor from a small town outside Anchorage who has been a governor for only 1.5 years, and has ZERO national and international experience. I shudder to think that she could be the person taking that 3AM call on the White House hotline, and the one who could potentially be charged with leading the US in the volatile international scene that exists today. —Rose
M., Fairbanks, AK

She is VERY, VERY conservative, and far from perfect. She’s a hunter and fisherwoman, but votes against the environment again and again. She ran on ethics reform, but is currently under investigation for several charges involving hiring and firing of state officials. She has NO experience beyond Alaska. —Christine
B., Denali Park, AK

As an Alaskan and a feminist, I am beyond words at this announcement. Palin is not a feminist, and she is not the reformer she claims to be. —Kare
n L., Anchorage, AK

Alaskans, collectively, are just as stunned as the rest of the nation. She is doing well running our State, but is totally inexperienced on the national level, and very much unequipped to run the nation, if it came to that. She is as far right as one can get, which has already been communicated on the news. In our office of thirty employees (dems, republicans, and nonpartisans), not one person feels she is ready for the V.P. position.—Sher
ry C., Anchorage, AK

She’s vehemently anti-choice and doesn’t care about protecting our natural resources, even though she has worked as a fisherman. McCain chose her to pick up the Hillary voters, but Palin is no Hillary. —Marina L.
, Juneau, AK

I think she’s far too inexperienced to be in this position. I’m all for a woman in the White House, but not one who hasn’t done anything to deserve it. There are far many other women who have worked their way up and have much more experience that would have been better choices. This is a patronizing decision on John McCain’s part- and insulting to females everywhere that he would assume he’ll get our vote by putting “A Woman” in that position.—Jenn
ifer M., Anchorage, AK

So Governor Palin is a staunch anti-choice religious conservative. She’s a global warming denier who shares John McCain’s commitment to Big Oil. And she’s dramatically inexperienced.

In picking Sarah Palin, John McCain has made the religious right very happy. And he’s made a very dangerous decision for our country.

In the next few days, many Americans will be wondering what McCain’s vice-presidential choice means. Please pass this information along to your friends and family.

Sources:

1.”Sarah Palin,” Wikipedia, Accessed August 29, 2008http://en
.wikip
edia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin

2.”McCain Selects Anti-Choice Sarah Palin as Running Mate,” NARAL Pro-Choice America, August 29, 2008
http://www
.moveo
n.org/r?r=17515&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=1

3.”Sarah Palin, Buchananite,” The Nation, August 29, 2008http://www
.moveo
n.org/r?r=17736&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=2

4.”‘Creation science’ enters the race,” Anchorage Daily News, October 27, 2006http://www
.moveon.
org/r?r=17737&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=3

5.”Palin buys climate denial PR spin—ignores science,” Huffington Post, August 29, 2008http://www.
moveo
n.org/r?r=17517&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=4

6.”McCain VP Pick Completes Shift to Bush Energy Policy,” Sierra Club, August 29, 2008http://www.
moveo
n.org/r?r=17518&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=5

“Choice of Palin Promises Failed Energy Policies of the Past,” League of Conservation Voters, August 29, 2008http://www
.moveo
n.org/r?r=17519&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=6

“Protecting polar bears gets in way of drilling for oil, says governor,” The Times of London, May 23, 2008
http://www
.moveo
n.org/r?r=17520&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=7

7 “McCain met Palin once before yesterday,” MSNBC, August 29, 2008
http://www
.moveo
n.org/r?r=21119&id=13661-5826486-HGvt6Gx&t=8